I’ve lived in the great land of America my whole entire life and I am upset at what it has become. It seems like when you reach a certain age, like forty, or even thirty, you are no longer valuable to society. If you are being interviewed for a job, and you are old, chances are you won’t even be considered to be hired because of your age.
My father, for example, has worked in the Philippines, Saudi Arabia, Switzerland, and both east and west coast of America. He wasn’t hired because he was over qualified (seriously he should have been CEO of some company like decades ago) and old.
You know how lucky you would be if you hired my dad? I’ve known him to work weekends without getting paid over time. And FUCK YOU to his boss for treating him like crap the last few years he worked for that company. My dad should have had your job, jerk.
In my experience, the best students were the older students. Since I’ve been back to school last fall, I made it my mission to work with students older than me. (I’m 31). They are more responsible, disciplined, and even times, more compassionate.
I must go now and stuff my emotions at Whole Foods (its been a stressful week)
I made some changes to this blog. I looked at my past posts and notices two things. One, where the hell was my sense of humor? I get that I was depressed on some days but I wish I can go back in time and hug myself and say, “cheer up chubs you’re going to be fine”.
(FYI it is so hard to write when you hear Donald Trump give a commencement speech on television. Liar in chief, get the fuck out of the podium please. These kids don’t need to hear your lies).
Two, there is no consistency on my blog. What niche am I aiming for? My two friends are active on social media. One is focusing on health and fitness the other made a Youtube Channel for vegan food. I am so proud of them. They inspire me to stay focus.
I guess for now I’ll try and write about my experiences without making it nauseating for some people. After all, my title for my blog is Renie Philosphie: Or How I Plan to Survive my Thirties Without Blowing my Head Off.
Have a good people.
My friend is pregnant and for some strange reason I dreamed that I held her newborn daughter at the hospital. In real time my friend isn’t even due until July so I find dreaming about her daughter a bit surprising.
Did I mention the kid is half-Japanese which guarantees that she is going to be a gorgeous baby? What can I say? Asians make cute babies.
I used a dream dictionary to find out what the dream meant. I was not shocked what I learned. It had to do with new beginnings and goals. Like I said in previous posts this summer is going to be challenging. What I found comforting was that I was going to reach my goals but some major obstacles up ahead will come first.
Story of my fucking life. Whatever. Game on fuckers!
Can I also mention my little brother (okay maybe not so little since he’s much taller than me) made to Dean’s List? I am not shocked that he made it but I am amused by his reaction to the whole thing. Next week we see Alien Covenant with our two friends at the IMAX Theater. This might be one of the dumbest ideas I’ve had for a long time.
Two years ago, I returned home depressed, angry, and alone. While I recovered Netflix released a show called Sense8. For someone like me, who thought the world was just an awful place to be in, the Wachoswkis created a beautiful, optimistic, piece of art.
The premise itself intrigued me. Eight people, from different backgrounds, languages, and even sexual orientations, from around the world, begin to share a psychic link. One scene had a man in Kenya being attacked by gang members. He was saved by a Korean woman who takes over his mind temporarily and kicked the living shit out of all the dangerous men. I cheered and woke up my cat.
All these eight characters are lovable. Even Wolfgang, who not only is part of the criminal world of Berlin, but can also be kind and help out Lito (who I say is the funniest character on the show) in his time of need. The two men are so different, but Sense8, manages to make their dynamic work. When Wolfgang killed a rival gang with a rocket launcher, Lito cheered. I cheered. Haha.
There are some amazing action sequences.
These characters are smart. These characters are people I want in my life if they existed. Yes even that psycho Wolfgang can be part of my squad.
Did I mention the sex scenes are hot and beautifully shot?
So please Netflix gods please allow this show to return for season 3. I am a patient gal. If it takes two years for the show return then so be it.
And besides…2019…will be amazing year for me too 😀
Haha that’s been my mantra all weekend. I heard those beautiful words from a wonderful character, named Capheaus, from the show Sense8.
I’ll reflect more later. Today I am emotionally exhausted for some reason and nothing crazy happened today. Beach time tomorrow should do me some good. 😀
Leave to me to have my final exam on Friday, on Cinco de Mayo. I might get shit faced or not but I will see the sequel to Guardians of the Galaxy. Come on, how can you not love Baby Groot?
My brother has more exams than I do but he’s doing his best cope. He has come a long way since two years ago. Those fucking doubters about me and him, let’s just say their not in our fucking lives anymore. Just because someone is going through a difficult time doesn’t mean you should write them off as a failures. It’s beautiful to see him work hard on his studies, its beautiful to see him make new friends, and its beautiful to see him try and be a good person.
As for me, I’ve been on this recovery road before. The difference is I am older. I am more patient, empathetic, and my tolerance for drama is ZERO. For the exception of my father, I have no drama with anyone. I am learning to trust people again. It’s fucking hard work, but life is not a cruise ship filled with good times; that ship can drown before you know it. Last night I cried before I went to bed, praying that this summer I will make it and accomplish a difficult goal.
Have a good day reader. Take of yourself.
I looked at my previous post and realized that my first intention was to make a tribute to my cat, Willow, but instead I just spoke directly to her. I thought about deleting the post, but fuck it, I’m grieving and denying my feelings toward her is just wrong.
My family is grieving in his or her own way. I didn’t realize that her death would affect my father deeply. He has told me not mention Willow at all for his heart starts to palpitate when he thinks of her. The fuck? My brother has done the same approach as me. He mentions her from time to time. One time he said that he sat on the couch and started stroking the couch thinking Willow was sitting next to him. I have to remember that she was just as much of his cat as she was mine.
I was really scared that her death could lead me into a mental breakdown but it hasn’t happened. This grief about Willow is something new for me. My emotions tied to her are not associated with anger and disappointment. Willow never hurt me deeply. Because I know this now I won’t have breakdown; however, I do have to deal with the fact that I am lonely. I have no one to take care of and deep down, I actually like caring for someone.
Don’t get me wrong, I am lucky to have a strong support system, but lately, I just want to be alone. Ging told me her boyfriend went to Cali on a whim. When he realized there was going to be snow for the weekend, he booked a trip alone. Lucky boy haha! I wish I could do that. Running away for a few days won’t solve all my problems but it can mend my heart temporarily. Plus this summer is just going to be crazy.
Will, we all miss you baby girl. Play nice with the other cats in heaven haha!
Have a good day reader.
Willow it has been two weeks since you left me….
I miss you baby girl. Your death has made me really sad but I know you are in a better place. I use to not believe in the idea of heaven. But someday, when I pass away, I hope you greet me on the other side. You will probably smack my face for being away for so long; however, Willow darling, I have no intention of leaving this miserable earth any time soon. I have some unfinished goals that need to be accomplished. Please be patient little one; I’ll be by your side before you know it.
I promise you Willow that:
- I will always keep you in my memories. You will be alive in my imagination forever.
- No one will replace you. Even when the day comes I get a new pet, he/she will know they have so much to live up to.
- I will live a good life, have many adventures, be compassionate.
- Try again and open my heart again to people. It hasn’t been easy Will, giving what happened in the last few years. But remember Ging, Will? I saw her last weekend and she made the world less darker. Whenever I was around her or you, my cold exterior would be gone. I need to find more people like you guys.
It will be week two today without you Will. I’ll cope I promise. Be good little one and try to get along with the other cats in heaven lol.
~Your mommy Renie.
If you happen to visit South Florida check out Eggs-Cetera Cafe in Lantana, FL. My mom was lucky to eat there twice in two days!
They say that if a friendship lasts for more than seven years, it will last a lifetime.
That is bullshit.
Fucking bullshit, man.
Turning 30 two years ago gave me a rude awakening about friendships.
- People show their true colors when you hit rock bottom.
- If you have a friend who says “text me when you get home”, knowing that they live far from you, they are worth keeping.
- It’s okay to miss a friend who no longer is in your life. For whatever reason it didn’t work out between you two, it doesn’t mean the love you have for that person will completely go away especially if you have a lot of good memories with him or her.
- You come first. Sorry, but you need to set up boundaries because some fucking people do not know what the hell that is.
- There will be a time when you ask, “why am I friends with…?” If your answer says something like, “I feel used..blah blah”. My advice: turn your back on him or her.
- No one is worth risking your sanity. Who cares if you have been friends for decades..if that person brings out the worse parts of you—drop them out of your life!
Sorry for the depressing post. I found an item in my house and it triggered a lot of angry emotions. I’m burning it tomorrow.