Thanksgiving Blues

I won’t lie. I want this day to be over. You know what this election has done to my family? It has created a great divide between us. What would start as an argument about Trump then takes an ugly turn for the worse. I am talking about personal, dark shit that, if you have a sensitivity chip in your fucking head, you don’t bring it up with someone who is struggling with so much internal stuff. I cried, on and off, for forty eight hours, and I am an idiot for letting this piece of shit under my fucking skin.

Some part of me is grateful for the election. It has made me reevaluate my life. I spent the morning with my brother eating brunch at iHop. He seemed happier, more focus and I am grateful to the universe for whatever peace it bestowed in him. He mentioned about exploring his spirituality further. No. He will not become a priest. That scenario will give me a fucking heart attack. Whatever he decides, I will support him no matter what.

These panic attacks I’ve been having these past two weeks isn’t really about the election; it’s about changes happening to me next year. I still have doubts about some things. Am I making the right decision to return to school? Am I ever going to open myself to someone emotionally again? Is this rage ever going to leave me permanently?

*sigh* i’m going back to Netflix binge-watching and drinking again hehe.

Happy Thanksgiving, reader. Have fun and stay safe.


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