Panic Attacks

So last Saturday morning, hours before my first test, I had my first panic attack in weeks. For me it involves my heart palpitating, eyes watering, and the beautiful finale of…

Throwing up over a toilet.

I saw rice and parts of salmon float to the bottom of the toilet. You must wondering, what the fuck was she thinking eating that early in the morning? I am not Asian if I don’t have rice at least twice a day. I wish I was kidding. Giving up rice can be hard sometimes.

Now here’s the good part. I just endured it for awhile until I got better. I had no time to think what the fuck was the cause of it. I had an exam in fifteen minutes and like hell I was going to fail when I worked so hard on those math problems. My goal now was to lower my heart rate. The worse part wasn’t the actual panic attack but that I had to do this alone, as usual, story of sad fucking life, right?

So the whole point of this damn post is to urge people to please don’t go through this kind of thing alone. I could have called a number of people but I chose not to out of stubbornness and pride. I urge anyone to please find that one person, whose not judgmental, and is patient and empathetic, to help you through any mental issues. Times are getting darker, we need each other to push on through and find the light…

I went to Palawan, Philippines last week. The long airplane ride and layovers were worth it. Let me also stress that I was also sick with a cold but it did not hinder me from having the time of my life. A little background about me: I’m Filipino and Filipinos love to fucking eat. Learning about my roots again was a beautiful experience. I ate so much food, laughed my ass off, and had some interesting conversations with some locals and tourists.

I will cherish those two and half weeks for the rest of my life. Oh god. That sounded corny didn’t it?