What a Strange Feeling

I looked at my previous post and realized that my first intention was to make a tribute to my cat, Willow, but instead I just spoke directly to her. I thought about deleting the post, but fuck it, I’m grieving and denying my feelings toward her is just wrong.

My family is grieving in his or her own way. I didn’t realize that her death would affect my father deeply. He has told me not mention Willow at all for his heart starts to palpitate when he thinks of her. The fuck? My brother has done the same approach as me. He mentions her from time to time. One time he said that he sat on the couch and started stroking the couch thinking Willow was sitting next to him. I have to remember that she was just as much of his cat as she was mine.

I was really scared that her death could lead me into a mental breakdown but it hasn’t happened. This grief about Willow is something new for me. My emotions tied to her are not associated with anger and disappointment. Willow never hurt me deeply. Because I know this now I won’t have breakdown; however, I do have to deal with the fact that I am lonely. I have no one to take care of and deep down, I actually like caring for someone.

Don’t get me wrong, I am lucky to have a strong support system, but lately, I just want to be alone. Ging told me her boyfriend went to Cali on a whim. When he realized there was going to be snow for the weekend, he booked a trip alone. Lucky boy haha! I wish I could do that. Running away for a few days won’t solve all my problems but it can mend my heart temporarily. Plus this summer is just going to be crazy.

Will, we all miss you baby girl. Play nice with the other cats in heaven haha!

Have a good day reader.


Willow it has been two weeks since you left me….

I miss you baby girl. Your death has made me really sad but I know you are in a better place. I use to not believe in the idea of heaven. But someday, when I pass away, I hope you greet me on the other side. You will probably smack my face for being away for so long; however, Willow darling, I have no intention of leaving this miserable earth any time soon. I have some unfinished goals that need to be accomplished. Please be patient little one; I’ll be by your side before you know it.

I promise you Willow that:

  • I will always keep you in my memories. You will be alive in my imagination forever.
  • No one will replace you. Even when the day comes I get a new pet, he/she will know they have so much to live up to.
  • I will live a good life, have many adventures, be compassionate.
  • Try again and open my heart again to people. It hasn’t been easy Will, giving what happened in the last few years. But remember Ging, Will? I saw her last weekend and she made the world less darker. Whenever I was around her or you, my cold exterior would be gone. I need to find more people like you guys.

It will be week two today without you Will. I’ll cope I promise. Be good little one and try to get along with the other cats in heaven lol.

~Your mommy Renie.