What a Strange Feeling

I looked at my previous post and realized that my first intention was to make a tribute to my cat, Willow, but instead I just spoke directly to her. I thought about deleting the post, but fuck it, I’m grieving and denying my feelings toward her is just wrong.

My family is grieving in his or her own way. I didn’t realize that her death would affect my father deeply. He has told me not mention Willow at all for his heart starts to palpitate when he thinks of her. The fuck? My brother has done the same approach as me. He mentions her from time to time. One time he said that he sat on the couch and started stroking the couch thinking Willow was sitting next to him. I have to remember that she was just as much of his cat as she was mine.

I was really scared that her death could lead me into a mental breakdown but it hasn’t happened. This grief about Willow is something new for me. My emotions tied to her are not associated with anger and disappointment. Willow never hurt me deeply. Because I know this now I won’t have breakdown; however, I do have to deal with the fact that I am lonely. I have no one to take care of and deep down, I actually like caring for someone.

Don’t get me wrong, I am lucky to have a strong support system, but lately, I just want to be alone. Ging told me her boyfriend went to Cali on a whim. When he realized there was going to be snow for the weekend, he booked a trip alone. Lucky boy haha! I wish I could do that. Running away for a few days won’t solve all my problems but it can mend my heart temporarily. Plus this summer is just going to be crazy.

Will, we all miss you baby girl. Play nice with the other cats in heaven haha!

Have a good day reader.

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